Fear

There was a time when everything frightened me. Getting anxiety over anxiety basically. Eventually fear was hovering over every aspect of my life. It affected me daily. I was slowly being  devouring by fear. One day I finally decided I was sick of being afraid and letting fear control my life. In order to let go of fear I had to become reckless. I had to live as if there was no consequences. I truly believed to let go of fear once and for all I had to become the opposite of what I was. 

I decided to go on a vacation by myself which honestly scared me. Being alone in a different country, no one to rely on or comfort me. What if I got sick? What if I got lost? These were fears that the old me would have so they were pushed aside. 

Doing things I considered to be reckless, attending dangerous places, getting involved with strangers who were involved in all sorts of things. Drugs, stealing were considered just regular activities. I began to only develop more fear the more reckless I became. I started to wonder how these people could ever live like this. 

Then one day on vacation I met the most alluring and charismatic person. They embodied everything that made fear cease to exist. From their body language to a face that invited you. They embodied   everything that I admired and aspired to be. It had seemed as if nothing had tarnished their spirit. Yet they weren't reckless or dangerous in any way shape of form.

One day while at their house I stumbled upon something that altered my view of This person. It was a new paper clipping of a family that had been murdered with one survivor, my friend. My friend had survived, my friend had lost the most important thing. My friend who acted as if everyday was a blessing. How could someone lose everything and be so fearless?

I decided to ask about what I had found. My friend explained to me that fear was leached on for a very long time after the horrific event. Then as an adolescent living reckless to prove that fear wasn't an obstacle proved nothing, it was only over compensating for the fear. (Which made me think back to the reckless people I had met, they claimed to be fearless yet they carried guns and weapons). Soon my friend came to realize overcoming your fear had less to do with being reckless and acting like you're invincible. Overcoming it had more to do with realizing accepting that fear is inevitable but not acting off of that fear was the key. But the one thing my friend said that resonated with me the most was "how can you fear something that hasn't even happened yet? Or something that has already happened, what is there to fear then?"