Rant

In order to show your respect for someone while in their presence you do so by showing them your undivided attention. That being said there is nothing that annoys me more than trying to have a conversation with someone who is on their phone every five seconds. I have heard the “I can multitask”, and the “I still heard everything” justifications for rude mannerisms and that only heightens my irritation. I don't care if you think you can multitask, it doesn't change the fact that what you're doing is rude.

Last week for example I was out for lunch with my mom, but she was out to lunch with her phone. As soon as we got to the restaurant the constant phone interruptions began. We were looking over the menu for a fair amount of time, or I suppose only I was because when it came time to order my mom hadn’t even looked at it yet. That annoyed me because the whole time I was telling her about items on the menu she would like, or that looked good. She admitted to not hearing a single word I said as she was a bit “busy” were her exact words. As far as I’m concerned the only thing that you should be “busy” doing at a restaurant is ordering your food and acknowledging who you’re there with.

Once we were done eating we were having a conversation about the new cast of Dancing with the Stars, I was particularly excited about Bill Nye and telling my mom a bit about him. At this point in the conversation my mom had been on her phone a multitude of times and I could tell I was having a conversation with myself. Not only did she refer to Bill Nye as “some science guy” but she thought I was talking about one of my professors.

Those were just a couple of examples from my lunch experience and it was something that irritated me more than usual because the only reason I even watch Dancing with the Stars is because it’s her favorite show. Also, the only reason we went for lunch is because she wanted to try that restaurant out, so an hour and a half is a reasonably small amount of time to sacrifice I would say. I just don’t understand the point in spending time with someone if you’re going to be on your phone the whole time. I would almost expect that sort of behaviour from some of my friends, but not from my mother.

Fear

There was a time when everything frightened me. Getting anxiety over anxiety basically. Eventually fear was hovering over every aspect of my life. It affected me daily. I was slowly being  devouring by fear. One day I finally decided I was sick of being afraid and letting fear control my life. In order to let go of fear I had to become reckless. I had to live as if there was no consequences. I truly believed to let go of fear once and for all I had to become the opposite of what I was. 

I decided to go on a vacation by myself which honestly scared me. Being alone in a different country, no one to rely on or comfort me. What if I got sick? What if I got lost? These were fears that the old me would have so they were pushed aside. 

Doing things I considered to be reckless, attending dangerous places, getting involved with strangers who were involved in all sorts of things. Drugs, stealing were considered just regular activities. I began to only develop more fear the more reckless I became. I started to wonder how these people could ever live like this. 

Then one day on vacation I met the most alluring and charismatic person. They embodied everything that made fear cease to exist. From their body language to a face that invited you. They embodied   everything that I admired and aspired to be. It had seemed as if nothing had tarnished their spirit. Yet they weren't reckless or dangerous in any way shape of form.

One day while at their house I stumbled upon something that altered my view of This person. It was a new paper clipping of a family that had been murdered with one survivor, my friend. My friend had survived, my friend had lost the most important thing. My friend who acted as if everyday was a blessing. How could someone lose everything and be so fearless?

I decided to ask about what I had found. My friend explained to me that fear was leached on for a very long time after the horrific event. Then as an adolescent living reckless to prove that fear wasn't an obstacle proved nothing, it was only over compensating for the fear. (Which made me think back to the reckless people I had met, they claimed to be fearless yet they carried guns and weapons). Soon my friend came to realize overcoming your fear had less to do with being reckless and acting like you're invincible. Overcoming it had more to do with realizing accepting that fear is inevitable but not acting off of that fear was the key. But the one thing my friend said that resonated with me the most was "how can you fear something that hasn't even happened yet? Or something that has already happened, what is there to fear then?" 

Thoughts

Why is Miley Cyrus the most talked about celebrity in the news? Why do we care what she doing? Why do we care what any celebrity is doing? Why is are even obsessed with this? Why do we consistently judge people we have never met? 

Although I must remain anonymous this is an indication of my personality. Questioning everything, although I prefer not to aloud.